I was recently running my sword through someone who dared to declare themselves a “Friends” fan in my presence when I suddenly had a startling epiphany: the DCEU and the MCU have become almost exact opposites! It’s uncanny! Why, it’s almost like the DCEU has become…BIZARRO MARVEL!
I think we can all agree who the most “imperfect double” is at this point. This saddens me to no end, because as much as I dread and loathe the DCEU, I love those characters and the DC comic book universe. It’s just such a shame they pinned all of their hopes on two of the worst possible candidates to create super-hero fare. Snyder and Affleck together do not equate to a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup – both ingredients have to be good for that kind of surprisingly magical combo to work.
No, they equate to a giant sh*t sandwich that Warners/DC now have to eat – at least until their next Wonder Woman. Good luck with Aquaman, DC, but I think he’s lobster-boiling in Snyder’s kitchen already.
How could they screw things up so badly? Every single detail is just wrong (except Wonder Woman). The casting of Justice League will never cease to baffle the hell out of me. Warner Brothers and DC absolutely deserve the negative reviews and the poor box office. Sad!
But neither company is perfect at this point. They are, however, perfectly opposite in what is working and what is flailing.
Let’s break this down:
The DCEU’s creation has been a rushed, desperate and bloody mess // Marvel patiently and painstakingly built their universe one film at a time according to a solid plan
Ah, Marvel. Their cinematic universe approach was a stroke of genius. I say “genius” in terms of Hollywood idiots, though. The approach was obvious to any comic book fan. The amazing success of The Avengers stunned everyone. By “everyone” I mean all the Hollywood idiots. Comic book fans weren’t surprised.
The box office for Marvel’s films got DC drooling and they just could not wait to get in on the money trough. No long term strategy or patient plans for them! Avengers money now! Well, now you get to pay the price, morons, and I definitely do enjoy seeing your short-sighted disrespect for your own properties blow up in your stupid faces.
DC’s TV ventures are a great success // Marvel’s TV division is going down the tubes fast!
Although I don’t personally watch the DC TV stuff on a regular basis, I’ve tuned in enough to see that they doing things right. I might not be a total fan of the leathery CW direction they have taken, but certainly the shows are popular and thriving. Let’s put it this way – their existence doesn’t piss me off as an insult to my intelligence. Martian Manhunter, robots in the Fortress of Solitude, Gorilla Grodd (!) – I mean, c’mon.
Now, a year ago I would have vehemently argued that Marvel was crushing it on TV. The seriously “small” and weak Agents of Shield had come a long way and their take on Ghost Rider was a revelation for how the character can work. Marvel’s Netflix stuff was fantastic – Daredevil and Jessica Jones – while a little padded – really set the bar high, placed atop a gleaming building of perfectly crafted blocks. Then came Luke Cage, Iron Fist and the Defenders and we all watched as the building started to come tumbling down. Hard. Let’s not even talk about Inhumans and how Marvel took their eyes off of the ball there (because I already did).
The DCEU’s biggest success has been Wonder Woman // Marvel is constantly criticized for not giving any female characters their own film
Here’s one area where DC can claim total victory – making a film with a female lead. Although I’m not really sure they had much choice – Wonder Woman is one of their most iconic characters, after all. Marvel doesn’t really have an equivalent, but that’s a poor reflection on the comic industry and a lame excuse in this day and age. Jessica Jones was a good start, but that’s the small screen/tablet – Marvel needs to kill it with Captain Marvel.
It’s a shame DC didn’t release Wonder Woman after Justice League. The bad vibes from DC’s latest fiasco could spill backwards through time to create this:
The DCEU’s biggest star is finally revealed to be a talentless douche-oaf who is trashing their most popular, iconic character // Marvel hired a washed up douche bag and allowed him to redeem himself to become the MCU’s most popular, iconic character
Man, I used to despise Robert Downey Jr. Just hated the guy. It really took the right role for him to shine and erase his years of stupid bullshit and terrible movies. Marvel took a real chance and definitely cast outside the box. Now the guy is totally cleaned up and the corner stone of their entire cinematic franchise.
DC, on the other hand, cast right in the middle of the f**king box, deep, deep down right at the bottom of the box. Honestly, does anyone see Batman when Batfleck is on the screen? Or do you just see f**king Ben Affleck in a Batman suit? Be honest. I just see f**king Ben Affleck in a Batman suit. I actually laughed out loud the first time they released a publicity still. I thought he looked like Catman. Look at him. He doesn’t look angry. He just looks bummed out.
The guy just does not disappear into the role like Bale or Keaton did, creating a new character in the process – BATMAN. He does not scare or intimidate you. Because he’s not an actor! Or at least not a good one. As more and more of his oafish behaviour finally comes to light, we can see a sort of reverse-RDJ thing going on. Bizarro!
The DCEU is dark, complicated and zero fun // Marvel makes “light and fun” seem effortless
In another strange reversal, DC now seems to be the “dark and brooding” company – at least cinematically. In the old days, DC’s characters were the jovial, care-free heroes who always saved the day with a smile. Marvel entered the scene with their troubled, problem-prone heroes and their complicated lives and bummed everyone out. Nowadays, the Marvel film formula couldn’t be more fun, even if every film is totally predictable (Thor: Ragnarok is a damn good sign, however). Once again, they have RDJ to thank.
Meanwhile, in the DCEU, everyone just angrily wails “Martha!” in the dead of night as the fans scratch their heads. The sensibilities couldn’t be more opposite.
Poor, self-deluded DCEU refuses to accept that their films suck and stay their course // Marvel carefully and obsessively tweaks and course-corrects every step of the way
DC/Warners are nothing if not stubborn. Their ship is being piloted over a GIANT waterfall, captained by a guy I now believe to be the world’s greatest entertainment troll. I mean, nobody could be making the decisions Snyder has made for real. I think he’s pulling a practical joke on mankind, the scale of which has never been seen before. Taking hundreds of millions of dollars from a company to intentionally make laughably awful celluloid blasphemies of some of the world’s most well known and beloved characters? That a lot of people then actually like? Incredible. Eat your heart out, Sasha Cohen.
So many DC fans are up in arms, defending Snyder and his crap films, that a “DC persecution complex” has developed. They just can’t see why so many people hate these atrocious abominations, or that they themselves are possessed of atrocious taste. Such blind devotion is the biggest problem in the world right now. You’re being trolled, idiots! Oh well…
The actors and the studio executives are completely clueless and blame the negative reviews on anything but themselves. They just can’t see how their films are different from Marvel’s. But hey, like, whatever, they don’t make their films for the critics, man.
Marvel, on the other hand, always appear to be open-minded enough to walk away from their failures and the things that don’t work. They’ve had their mis-steps, but I mean, can you imagine a sequel to Ang Lee’s Hulk? Justice League is the equivalent of Marvel stubbornly sticking with Lee’s vision for every movie that followed. Ang Lee’s Avengers! Ang Lee’s Ant man! That version of the MCU would have been a real hoot, I’m sure.
Of course, you could argue that once they discovered the “secret sauce,” Marvel’s steadfast adherence to that formula has been to their films’ increasing detriment. I wouldn’t disagree. I think Marvel probably plays it way too safe and course-corrects a little too much. Doctor Strange should have been a total mind-trip and way darker and spookier. Ant Man could have been a much more interesting film with Edgar Wright’s original vision in place. We’ll never know.
But given a choice between pretty damn good films that play it a little too safe and DC’s horribly realized eye-stabbing sh*t-shows, I’d stick with Marvel and send DC packing. Ragnarok or Justice League? You can’t even ask that question with a straight face.
In conclusion //
Sadly, there is no justice in the world, and horrible crap like BvS:DOJ and Justice League still make reams and piles and loads of money, further confusing Warners/DC and proving that most people are just conditioned to enjoy any old barfy trash that gets slapped down in front of them. Which is a real shame, because if these first DC movies had bombed harder, they’d probably have re-booted their entire operation after Suicide Squad. Now we will have to endure years of DC staying the course and zealot DC fans whining to the heavens.
Earth people. Who can figure them out?
You said it, sister.
Od’s blood!
I AM FERGUS THE JUSTIFIER!
