You like Game of Thrones? Yeah, me too. In this age of Terrible, that show is a f**king lifeline to sanity and joy. Were you able to watch the latest season as it aired? Yeah, me neither. With a new daughter and work and every other damn time vampyre out there, I finally caught up to each episode maybe a week or two after it originally aired.
So of course I was worried about idiots spoiling the whole damn season on social media and the web. No problem, thought I. I’ll just be extra, extra careful about reading social media and Flipboard. In fact, I will mostly shun Twitter all together. You know the spoiler-dolts are all over that app like a swarm of spoiler-piranha-bees. F**k them.
But Flipboard? I totally thought I could still use the app without having the show spoiled. Just don’t click on any GOT stories. Right? RIGHT?! As soon as your brain even detects a GOT-related article, whoosh! Vamoose so fast the app can’t even keep track of the page flips. No problem.
What I failed to take into account were the insane amount of total douchebag, evil, vile “watch-the-world-burn-I’ll-do-anything-for-a-click,” miscreant, gutter-f**k-trolls out there plaguing the internets. Trump was totally right about the cyber – it sucks! Unfortunately, he was quite wrong about his son being a genius of the cyber because that kid hasn’t fixed a goddamn thing. So it’s up to me, Fergus the Justifier, as usual.
Now, let me just say that this has nothing to do with Flipboard. I love Flipboard. I can no longer live without Flipboard and I WILL NOT.
This has to do with the malevolent snot-blobs and puss-filled hate-bags that sit upon their sweat-sponge office chairs cackling as they type out spoiler-filled headline after spoiler-filled headline in a rabid effort to be “first” to completely ruin people’s lives. I’m sure their evil techniques generate mucho, mucho clicks; there are a multitude of impossibly happy cattle-people out there who don’t care about spoilers, after all.
But I wonder if these horrid, oozing click-bait sleaze-dicks realize that they are losing readers as well? i don’t think Flipboard includes that data in their analytics. Lately, I have taken to muting every single source who refuses to abide by the unspoken laws of cyber-civility. I will no longer read their posts or think about them ever again.
I encourage everyone out there to do the same. They have declared war upon us, not the other way around. This retaliatory strike is both just and necessary, commensurate to the level of their aggression.
To mute a source on Flipboard, simply press the tuning icon, the one that looks like three sliders. You can select “less like this” which has several options – or completely mute the site (located at the bottom of the dialogue box). If they are spewing spoiler-ridden filth, I say MUTE THE PR*CKS!
Here are a couple examples of GOT season 7 spoiler-evil. DO NOT click if you are in danger of being spoiled!
So much for that surprise!
Thanks! I didn’t even know they had met yet! FU!
These are the totally minor ones! The worst was having a major season 7 plot point ruined for me. That made me miserable for days. But I won’t say who or what the spoiler was because there are certainly still people out there catching up and I am not a twisted sociopath.
Y’know, maybe a month after the entire season ends – maybe then I could let you get away with this sh*t. Maybe. But not anytime during the week the episode airs!
I despise these cretinous vermin and I want them to be held accountable for their heinous crimes against humanity.
So I thought it would be fun and interesting to list all of the sites on Flipboard that I unfortunately had to mute because they used spoilers in their headlines and/or the featured image of their article. The most infuriating are the sites who think they’re being real cute by describing someone’s fate or actions without actually mentioning the character’s name in the headline. This would be great if they didn’t use a f**king photo of the character as their featured image.
I want to create a new term for this hostile act: “heining.”
Get this: one site on the list even has “spoiler free” in their name. Actually, that’s not funny – it’s infuriating.
So if you see your name on this list, then know that you suck.
JOIN US IN “SALUTING” THE SPOILER-DOUCHE SITES OF FLIPBOARD:
barnesandnoble.com
bgr.com
brisbanetimes.com.au
bustle.com
buzzfeed.com
cinemablend.com
clashdaily.com
corespirit.com
cosmopolitan.com
dailydot.com
dailywire.com
deadline.com
decider.com
digitalspy.com
digitaltrends.com
elitedaily.com
elle.com
elle.in
elleuk.com
esquire.co.uk
ew.com
fansided.com
firstpost.com
flickeringmyth.com
flipnewshub.com
gamesradar.com
goldderby.com
harpersbazaar.co.uk
harpersbazaar.com
hellogiggles.com
hiddenremote.com
hollywoodlife.com
Huffpost.Ca Living
huffingtonpost.com
hulu.com
ibtimes.co.uk
ibtimes.com
IGN Entertainment
ijr.com
independent.co.uk
indiewire.com
inquisitr.com
instyle.co.uk
inverse.com
kotaku.com (Kotaku! YOU SHOULD F**KING KNOW BETTER!)
latimes.com
lifeandstylemag.com
lifemag.online
lifezette.com
marieclaire.co.uk
marieclaire.com
mashable.com
Men’s Fashion Week
metro.co.uk
mobogeeks.com
moviefone.com
nationalreview.com
nerdist.com
newsbusters.org
nme.com
nylon.com
OWN
pedestrian.tv
polygon.com
popsugar.com
popsugar.co.uk
popsugar.com.au
refinery29.com
scoopwhoop.com
showsnob.com
slate.com
spoilerfreemoviesleuth.com (Um, WTF?)
technfresh.com
technotranics.com
telegraph.co.uk
thedailybeast.com
theguardian.com (Nooooooooooo!)
theprovince.com
therightstuff.biz
theringer.com
theverge.com
thewrap.com
time.com
townhall.com
tvguide.com
tvline.com
unrealitytv.co.uk
uproxx.xom
us2day.online
usmagazine.com
vanityfair.com
vox.com
vulture.com
winteriscoming.net
FOR SHAME!
Sadly, this is by no means a comprehensive list. I’m still surprised, though, by how long the list is. In this day and age, where it is almost impossible to stay right on top of every single damn show out there, you CANNOT just jam spoilers into headlines and wreak havoc upon my life on Flipboard immediately after an episode airs. This is just vicious and irresponsible. If you do this horrible thing, you are a TERRIBLE PERSON and must be destroyed.
UPDATE (10/20/17):
Their stupid site is already on the list, but a special shout out to Bill Desowitz of Indiewire for ruining a huge surprise in Blade Runner Re-Dux. You suck, Bill!
UPDATE 2 (10/21/17):
Congratulations to Gamesradar who managed to get themselves removed from the list of shame! I am so impressed. Obviously this list is working and the War on Terrible is being won! Hail Crom! Here is the post that redeemed the mighty Games Radar in mine eyes!
Amazing! They didn’t put the spoiler in the headline! They are the only ones to do this! I am actually crying right now…
TO VICTORY!!!
I AM FERGUS THE JUSTIFIER!
