As a viking warrior-critic, I tend to prefer the more exciting, up-tempo James Bond sequences. I mean, not as a hard and fast rule – Goldfinger and You Only Live Twice are outstanding, of course. But most of us still fast forward or skip through them anyway. There is one that I never blow past, however: Casino Royale.
The Casino Royale opening sequence is just astounding, from the music to the visuals. It’s hard to believe this amazing sequence was created by the same guy who handled all of the Brosnan era’s opening dreck. You can’t take your eyes off of it! A large part of why is the track by Cornell: at once both stirring and tense, it’s still nevertheless totally Bond.
And totally rock ‘n roll. Genius.
Cornell managed to hit upon the perfect lyrical theme for Bond’s “reboot” – “you know my name” is just a perfect lyric. The producers obviously wanted to replicate this great triumph by attempting to do the exact same thing with the follow up. So they hired another rock guy, because clearly that’s what works.
Nobody liked the song from Quantum of Solace. Jack White tries his best, and the song ain’t bad, but it just doesn’t work that well with the boring and depressing titles and in the end only marginally feels like a Bond theme.
This alternate track sung by the amazing Shirley Bassey actually works much, much better IMO. Was it actually once intended for QOS? Did they get cold feet and fear that imitating Casino Royale‘s direction was the only way to go? David Arnold says “no.”
I, Fergus the Justifier, say “YES!” Od’s blood!
Anyway. So now the producers go “oh, obviously rock songs are bad, so we won’t be doing that anymore.” Honest to God, the heads of movie people are like ping pong balls (“Ooooooh, that’s what they like! Oh wait, no it isn’t!”).
So then we get a more traditional symphonic Bond song with Skyfall, which admittedly is totally great. Fast forward to James Bond and the Scooby Squad aka Spectre and…
Sam Smith.
Oh Crom.
Oh, oh, Crom.
I mean, what happened? Did their balls drop off? Y’see, a guy like me likes to be thrilled. Spectre‘s opening is not the least bit thrilling. And it’s mainly to do with the music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0q0ilju3tU
So with that in mind, let’s investigate what I, Fergus the Justifier, deem to be the very best choices for restoring some musical danger and excitement to the James Bond opening titles sequence. Let’s all hope Barbara Broccoli is paying attention.
5. Jane’s Addiction
Yeah, yeah, I know. But just hear me out. Jane’s Addiction burst out of the tawdry womb of the mid eighties LA music scene, spraying the land with a dark and intoxicating hallucinogenic spunk. They released three truly epic records containing shocking and glorious aural wonders such as we will never hear again. Then they imploded. Which was also glorious.
Since then, Jane’s has re-formed endlessly, limping along like a sideshow freak. Remember the Jon Favreau Sopranos episode? When Christopher Moltisanti says “Holy f**king shit, that thing is still alive?!” he might as well be talking about Jane’s Addiction.
Now, I f**king love Jane’s Addiction, always have, always will. In their prime, they were a band whose songs were as close you could get to shooting up without actually using heroin or a needle. I think Nothing’s Shocking is one the most beautiful and influential albums of the 80’s. Strays, however, was the last gasp of that original brilliance (Eric Avery, you are missed). I didn’t get hard for their last album and I actually wish they hadn’t reformed this last time, but…
I believe they have it in them to create an amazing James Bond theme (and I’m not just saying that because of the Cornell connection).
I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d be saying this – their sound was always too far outside of convention – but lately their direction seems to have landed them right in the pocket for a James Bond song. Line up a song like “Underground” from their last album with the opening credit sequence for Spectre and just imagine it with a more Bond flourish.
They shouldn’t still exist, but they do. So I say let’s use ’em. Can’t be any worse than f**king Sam Smith.
After the last two super croon-y songs, especially boring snooze-fest “Spectre,” it’s time to let loose with a little danger and maybe end up with another “Live and Let Die” or “You Know My Name.” Properly inspired, Jane’s is a force to be reckoned with and a band that could rise to the occasion.
Odds of this happening: 1000 to one
4. Richie Hawtin
Richie Hawtin has been at the forefront of techno for a looooong time. Starting out in Toronto and Detroit in the 90’s as Plastikman, the guy has played a massive role in shaping modern electronic music. In techno circles he is basically a God.
Hawtin has remained at the top for a reason. If the James Bond franchise wanted to shake things up and truly try something different with their next theme song, they’d be smart to enlist this man. Pair him up with someone possessing a weird, unique voice like Julian Casablancas, Karen O or hell, Kim Deal, Sinead O’Conner or maybe even the King Vampyre himself, Peter Murphy. I’d pay to see the film just to hear what they come up with.
Hawtin’s work is cold and unrelenting, just like Bond. You couldn’t ask for a more different take on the traditional Bond sound. Even though I know he’s not at the top of this list, this is the option I’d most like to see realized.
Odds of this happening: 1850 to one
3. Santigold
Santigold would have been perfect for Spectre, especially with the opening title sequence coming straight outta the Day of the Dead set piece. But they went with the exhilarating and explosive Sam Smith instead (I just TUIMM).
I’ll give the producers credit for originally enlisting Radiohead – I think that was an inspired and bold move. I agree the resulting track wasn’t exactly right for a Bond film, and the two parties will probably never want to try again (or Radiohead would be on this list) – but f**k me, Sam Smith?!
Anyway, Santigold or Santogold, whatever – she’s been totally dope forever and would be a great way to inject some originality into the opening song. I still listen to Top Ranking all the time (and still find Diplo annoying all the time) so I know she’s a master of whatever style she decides to attack. She can do high energy contemporary OHMSS-tinged “hit single.” She can do Goldfinger-flecked “epic sexy ballad.” I mean, Icarus just destroys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cqxOihnXWo
Some may argue, “hey why not M.I.A. then?” And to them I say “because hearing M.I.A. doing a Bond song would destroy my selfish and unrealistic expectations of who and what M.I.A is.” Also, even though I am a way more massive fan of M.I.A. I don’t think her vocal range is quite right for Bond. I mean, look at this. I didn’t even know this video existed. I am stunned.
Odds of this happening: 598 to one
2. Björk
Many people have been clamouring for a Björk Bond song. Many good people have told me they want this. I’ve heard from many different people about this and I think most people agree. A lot of people have told me they didn’t think much of the Spectre song. Not saying who, but it was many fine people. It was a lot, a lot, I can tell you. The last Bond song was a real snooze-fest, a really boring song that many people are telling me they disliked. The failing Bond franchise needs a new, more better song to big up the excitement. Bigly big it up. Now that a brave man like Donald Trump is POTUS, we need Bond to reflect that. But they sadly won’t listen to all the fine people out there who tell me they want me to please intervene and make Bond great again. Sad.
- posting on James Bond Fan Club Message Boards by user John Barron
Anyone who is at all familiar with Björk knows that her eclectic style and heaven-sent voice from an alternate dimension would make for a perfect Bond song. I once actually got drunk just by listening to “Birthday” ten times in a row. And as a viking, I’m not an easy drunk!
She is amazing with an incredibly weird and original design sense. She loves orchestral and can do electronic or any other damn genre you want. How has this not already happened?!
I’m sure the producers have considered it. If that’s the case, then they need to consider it harder and make it happen! She’s already basically done two of them anyway!
J*sus Ch**st! What more does she have to do?!!! Is it a money thing? Barbara, just pay her for f**k’s sake! And let her help design the opening titles as well! Stop f**king around!
Maybe they don’t like it when people are a little too bold and overt. I seem to recall Blondie once tried to land the song on For Your Eyes Only…
…and was rejected. You do not reject Blondie!
Anyway, Björk is perfect. And remember, it rhymes with jerk.
Odds of this happening: 100 to one
1.This Guy
Because I know none of these suggestions will ever be made reality – and the Bond franchise is drifting further and further away from the perfection that is Casino Royale – I would like to offer up this dude because I’m sure the next film will be just as vacant and silly as Spectre (I tried to love it! I really did! For a time I even thought I did! But I didn’t!).
So why not just tack on an amazing display of looping? Just imagine this performance tweaked for Bond: that deep part he does could be “Jaaaaames…..Bond Bond Bond…..Jaaaaaaames…Bond Bond Bond.” Perfect.
The sad thing is that I’ve watched this video several times over the years and as stupid and embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve derived 1000 times more enjoyment from this oddly compelling guy then from Sam Smith’s “Spectre.” That is a fact, son! So…whatever.
Sad!
Oh, and if you need an emotional ballad for the opening, well this guy still has you covered.
Odds of this happening: The infinity of the cosmos to negative twelve billion
Okay Barbara, I’ve done the research for you, now let’s shake things up! I mean, c’mon – you guys once almost went with Alice f**king Cooper for Chrissakes!
I AM FERGUS THE JUSTIFIER!
